When A Puffy Old Broad Gets A Movie Star Gown To Go To A Military Ball

Went out last night to get a new cable for my digital camera. Was told they don't sell them --that I probably will have to find a camera shop or go onto the internet! Anyway, loads of photos of Savannah in there, and I'll get this situation worked out as soon as possible.

It wasn't lost on me that while shopping for a gown for the Ball in Savannh that I was competing with 16, 17, and 18 year old girls who were looking for prom dresses. And so I went through the dreck on the racks --the tacky gowns made of stretchy fabric, or really cheap rayon. But fortunately, those are in sizes 2, 4, 6 --none of which I am!

So adventuring into the netherworld of the larger sizes --that land of comfort and practicality, I found the gown for the ball in Savannah at the Nordstrom Rack. Let me tell you, trying on formal wear in a tiny dressing room is exhausting. The contortions one has to go through are worse than a yoga workout. Really, at one point I thought what was the point in flying back 3,000 miles to be the adornment on hubby's arm, when said hubby would be just as happy solo and knocking back drinks with some of the other "temporary bachelor's" in attendance?

Anyway, it's red and I went ahead and bought some Stuart Weitzman shoes and Givenchy accessories to go with it all right there. I can't be bothered to run around town for stuff like this. I mean, what do people think I am? A woman of leisure? A teen? Anyway, it was the only red gown in the whole lot. Most were brown, dark purple, black, or grey. I'm not sure why one would want to wear one of those colors in the spring --after all, it's a ball not a funeral. And I'm a woman, not a mere lump, which I would look like one of those frumpy unhappy middle aged women (the minor characters) out of an Edith Wharton novel if I wore one of those. So red gown it is!

Anyway, I thought I'd seen this gown before so I googled "red gown at the oscars" and up it came. Wow. I have Katherine Heigl's dress that she wore to the Oscars. But I'm sure this one is several sizes larger. Anyway, the dress fits fine as long as I don't eat the next two weeks and don't sit for the duration of the ball!

Not me. Not even close. But I have the gown.