Contact Your Senator: Write A Letter On Behalf Of LTC Victor Fehrenbach

I know by the stats that many have read my piece on LTC Fehrenbach. I was glad to see milspouses standing up for what they believe is right, and signing the petition.

There's support from a retired LTC in the USAF, who served in the same squadron (though many years before Fehrenbach). One wife believes her husband's battalion from the 3ID was saved by the colonel's prowess during the advance on Baghdad. I also think what SisB wrote has a lot of truth. What sets all of these responses apart is they had experience to draw upon to understand the importance of the continued service of soldiers like LTC Fehrenbach.

I'm writing to my Senators today, as well as to the members on the Senate Armed Services Committee.** I'm asking you do the same. Here's my letter. Tweak it use it if you want. Make it come from your heart.

Dear Senator,
I'm asking you to help overturn the DADT policy that ends the careers of gays and lesbians in the military. The net result of this policy is that we have lost 12,500 talented soldiers because of their sexual orientation. Each had been trained by the military, and possessed skills needed. And those jobs aren't easy to fill.

It's wrong to prevent anyone from doing a job because of their sexual orientation. This includes LTC Victor Fehrenbach, an 18 year veteran who has been awarded 9 medals, and whose actions as an F-15e fighter pilot has saved many lives. But more repugnant than stopping them from doing their job is the cooperation of the US Government in upholding a policy that only serves to divide by reinforcing stereotypes.

I don't understand why any politician would uphold this policy. Is the implication that homosexuals present more of a threat to national security than the Taliban? Than Al Qaeda? Than the madrasas that have schooled children for the past twenty years teaching them that the west is the epitome of evil? Have you decided upholding homophobia is more worthy than stopping thugs who throw acid on the faces of school girls?
Come on, there is work to do.

I recently ran a post on my milspouse blog, "The Kitchen Dispatch." I heard from one Army wife who believes LTC Fehrenbach's prowess saved her husband's battalion during the advance on Baghdad. She doesn't care about the colonel's sexual orientation. What she cares about is that because of him, her husband is alive. And I tell you, were my husband and his unit in that same position, I wouldn't care if the guy helping everyone stay alive were gay or straight.

And I would add to this: because of the diligence of many men and women who work despite the fear that they might lose their career if "outed," many soldiers, airmen, sailors and marines are still alive.
The loss of LTC Fehrenbach and the 12,500 others is the net result of this policy. The cost is human life. Don't we have more important things to do than run months-long investigations about someone's sexual orientation? Are there not insurgents threatening the safety of many, and shouldn't we be working on that?
Let's take down this law. The fight is on, and we need all hands on deck.
Thank you.

**To contact the Senate Armed Forces Committee, send a fax to the number on the website. The letter will be read by staff, and then disseminated to the committee members. This way you don't have to send multiple emails but to once central office who will keep all the info for when the issue comes up.

To contact your senator, just send an email through their website. If you want, you can send a paper copy to their local office in state.

Hero, Patriot, Warrior, Fighter Pilot, Gay and Fired.

Not a Wimp. I don't care if it's a gay or straight person bombing the shit out of the bad guys and saving the lives of good people. But casting out highly trained and educated soldiers is the result of a policy which people have long thought of as "innocuous," the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT).

"Lt. Colonel Victor Fehrenbach has served honorably for 18 years in the Air Force as an F-15E Aviator. He was hand-picked to protect the Washington, D.C. airspace after 9/11. He flew combat missions in Iraq and Afghanistan, targeting the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Lt. Col. Fehrenbach has only been an asset to the United States Air Force, not a detriment to unit cohesion, morale, or good order."

and from the Air Force News:

"Born into an Air Force family — his father was a navigator and retired as a lieutenant colonel and his mother worked as a nurse — Fehrenbach maintains he has been discreet about his sexual orientation; his parents didn’t know was gay until mid-May, just before he went public in hopes of spurring a change to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law.

A year ago, though, his career came to a standstill when officials notified him that a civilian acquaintance had identified him as gay.

Fehrenbach’s experience as an instructor-level weapons systems officer included time in both the F-15E Strike Eagle and the EF-111 Raven. Missions took him over Baghdad during the 2003 invasion, above Afghanistan in 2002 and into the Balkans for Operation Allied Force in 1999. He has 2,180 flying hours, nine Air Medals — one for heroism — and five Air Force Commendation Medals."

To read more about him, and sign a petition, go here.

Not your mother's Oldsmobile: One badass jet

From Fine Politics, Noalzumi writes:

"Lt. Col. Fehrenbach is a very rare individual, an F-15E weapons systems officer (WSO, or “back-seater”). The F-15E is one of the most capable fighter-bombers in the world today, and is one of the reasons American forces were so successful over Iraq, Kosovo, Afghanistan, and Iraq again (at least at first). It’s also very sophisticated, and the tactics the pilots have to learn and the training they have to undergo are equally so. When it’s claimed that the Air Force has invested $25 million in this man, that’s totally believable. Those guys train virtually all the time. And the fact is, not everybody can do that job. A good WSO needs tech-savvy, good reflexes, situational awareness, etc. Not to mention the gobs of combat experience the man has by now, that he was passing into others, knowledge that could very well save his student’s lives one day.

This is the cost of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Lt. Col. Fehrenbach has incalculable value to this country, is almost literally irreplaceable, and the rules say, “Get rid of him.”

Though I'm not a watcher of Maddow, she did interview the colonel.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

This is progress? WIMP

1942: Tiz, An Army Wife at Casa Cody

Vermont Ferret has one of the best photo streams on Flicker.
He's uploaded family photos going way back to the 1860's to present day. What makes his stream engrossing is that he shares the good stuff and the dirt with the general public. Really, I couldn't stop reading. It's reality TV in writing and stills.

Ferret contacted me because of a reference in my other blog about Casa Cody, my favorite place. It's a bougainvillea shrouded collection of apartments and bungalows.

This is Tiz, Ferret's mother. Tiz and Captain Billy were married at Ft. Smith, Arkansas during WWII. She followed him to Palm Springs, where he was involved with desert training. So after a hilarious run about town (read about it in Ferret's photostream), she ended up at Casa Cody while he stayed on base.

I think this was taken in front of one of the small units by the rectangular pool (there are two). Even though it was hot, the wives had fun. Maybe they had swamp coolers, but most likely they were lucky if they had a fan. Just so Ferret knows, it's still horribly hot. Maybe even moreso. The buildings and hard surfaces create a hotter micro-climate. I almost passed out last July when I stupidly decided to walk to Sherman's at 7 p.m.

As I looked through his photo stream, what struck me was their youth. She was a scant 22. He was young too. There are still wives this young today, and like her they forge ahead, make do, and most of all --are inexplicably drawn to a guy who --well, like mine, not only saves lives, studies Olde English but has the potential to send them a ham on Mother's Day.

I'm going back to Casa Cody after hubby deploys. I had hoped there would be time to go together. But knowing that in a different time, during a different war, a bunch of Army wives once stayed there makes the place even more special. I'll be sure to take my picture near about where I think this is. Hubby and I will go again when he comes back.

Really, Ferret, this is such a great shot. I'll be sure to share it with the manager of the hotel. She's a peach. I hope you and Maggie will go there. Maybe Bette will stay there when she visits her sister.

Tiz and her husband Billy, during WWII.
At this point he was a Captain
with the 6th Armored Division. He would serve with Patton during WWII, and
in the 1950's raise to the rank of full Colonel. From what
I can tell, his primary role was as a loving, giving husband
to Tiz and father to Ferret and his sisters. Both parents
are now deceased.

Castra Praetoria: The weather is here. I wish it were beautiful...

America's First Sgt.
Because I have a 55,ooo word manuscript to rewrite in ten days, I'm showcasing blogs with an interesting viewpoint.
Every so often a snippet of descriptive writing catches my eye:

"To experience Iraqi summer temperatures at home simply climb into an asbestos sleeping bag, have someone ram a flamethrower in one end and let her rip."

Really, kids. Lee Grant can't do better than this.
Read the rest at:
Castra Praetoria: The weather is here. I wish it were beautiful...

Memorial Day: Letter To A Pastor

Flag in Savannah

Here's a letter I wrote to an assistant pastor at our church in response to her Memorial Day letter:

Dear Reverend,
Thanks for writing your piece on Memorial Day and asking parishioners to think of everyone, not just those who died in the line of service. I am sorry for the loss of your cousin in Vietnam. I am sure it still hurts, and I am sure you can still see him vividly in your mind.

However, I wonder about your suggestion. I believe people already do think of those they have lost, regardless of whether or not they have served. The bigger question I have is whether or not your readers would be equally inclined to go to a cemetery on Memorial Day and help the local VFW place flags on graves of servicemen or women, or spend time at a VA hospital visiting those still carrying wounds from wars --present and past? Would they be willing to help at Fisher House, or Soldier's Angels? At what point does our personal abhorrence of war turn into permission to ignore it? These are questions I grapple with everyday, as I ready my soldier for deployment.

I'm not saying our parishioners aren't. But I don't want to give anyone a free ticket away from remembering the original intent, or going out and helping those who have made enormous sacrifices. I would be more inclined to ask people to think deeply about those who serve, and to put aside the political and ideological differences that keep us from crossing barriers.
____________________
Addendum:
War is terrible. It is a living hell, a tragedy that spans generations. The politics of war are a tangled knot and have been from the beginning of time. Memorial Day can serve as a time of reminiscence for those we have lost and also some reflection about things we can do to work towards peace. Taken in this spirit, Memorial Day can be deeply fulfilling for hawks and doves alike.

Wanna Help A Military Kid?

"Just don't wave a flag. Do something.
Support our troops by supporting their children."
-Stephen Colbert

Give to a classroom project at a military-serving public school. Go to Donors Choose. Find your desired branch of the military, and give through them.

It's a friendly competition between Coast Guard, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines! As of today, the Coast Guard was trailing by swell! Good lord! Doesn't anyone want to help the Coast Guard catch up? The Navy is ahead by a thousand. Will the Army catch up? Or will the Marines come chugging up the hill? But watch out, you never know when The Air Force will swoop through!

From a teacher in New York State
Income: High Poverty
Grades 3 - 5
Amount needed to fulfill: $83.00


My students need a video camera to record and send music performances to their parent(s) serving in the armed forces in the Middle East. The cost of this proposal is $378, which includes shipping for any materials requested and fulfillment."

Army Addendum: What Not To Buy Your Wife

Note: The following is submitted to strengthen the Army Family Covenant. The following will enhance national security to make wives and significant others happy, save relationships, and ensure the soldier doesn't take flack from the aforementioned wife whether CONUS or OCONUS.

Army Field Manual (FM- #@!*%&!)
What Not To Buy Your Wife For Mother's Day

A ham.

Two weeks late.











A ham.


It is at this time my hubby of twenty-five years should be relieved we don't share the same last name, and we are separated by thousands of miles.

Should this go down in Army internet lore, it ought to be taken with the best of humor.

Army Families. Army Strong. Hooah!

My Cat Stays On The Table for Eight Hours

Update To Yesterday: The Slow Stretch

I received a letter from the surgeon's parents. They have received many letters from strangers telling about their son, about his commitment. And now, they have to come to the realization of this:

"Now, with clarity, I see that John's life can guide good people to take on sacrifices that bring out the best in our humanity."

I responded:

"Many people get callings. Few decide to answer them. His desire to serve his country was in addition to his love for his family. ... your son had the biggest light ... it was broad, bigger than you or I can possibly imagine. It was all encompassing, so please don't think he thought of it as giving one of you up. No, he wanted to do both and he did. The funny thing about love is that once someone gives it to you, it sticks. And I believe that your love was with him during the time he made the decision to go, and his light is still within all of you. You were so lucky to have him. The world was lucky to have him too. "

And now, without further ado, I bring to you the marvelous life of a healer, the late Dr. John Pryor, US Army Medical Corps.
He wrote these words after the death of a Marine:

"We held his hand when he died and prayed for his soul and for God to give you strength. I want you to know that he had great friends who cared deeply for him and that they were also here when he died. He was never alone for his journey back to you. I also want you to know that I will never forget your son, and that I will pray for him and all of the children lost in this war."

And we pray for you and your loved ones too, John. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit.

A New Kind Of Prejudice

As I child, I learned to put up with all sorts of prejudices tossed our way. It wasn't easy, but one learns to ignore it and overcome it by not looking for it and trying to treat others better than you have been treated yourself. And after awhile, all of that becomes a memory, once you've established yourself, have found those skills of which your are proudest. But recently, a new kind of prejudice has found its way into my life.

Recently, I read a tribute to an Army Surgeon killed in action. It was moving. The man was a fully evolved person with compassion, humor, and a zest for life. He was, above all, a healer. The professional journal asked people to send money to a fund for his wife and children. So I did. After which, I found a website and sent my condolences. It's run by the surgeon's brother.

I think it was my identifying myself as an Army wife that set him off. What I got back was an email filled with vitriol. I say this because this is an example of the pure unadulterated opinionating thrown at both soldiers and families. We are like walking dart boards.

In his response, he wrote about weapons of mass destruction and ideology, as well as how he told his brother "it wasn't worth it." All this in response to a letter of condolence.

In addition to anger, bitterness, resentment, what came through most was desperation. What I sensed was a man struggling with the realization that he could not control the world. It's difficult to reconcile the noble website run by him, with the words of condescension he had for his brother in the note written to me. With his grief turned to anger, he encouraged me to ask my husband to desert the service.

It was tragic for me to read the words of someone who has lost the light. In contrast, his brother, the surgeon, had so much humanity, he was light itself. The surgeon's writings, posted posthumously on the blog, were windows into his soul. Someone like this, you'd miss forever.

The brother's grief is understandably deep --how do you come to terms with losing not only a brother, but with someone you probably argued with before he deployed and told him, "It's not worth it?" How do you come to terms with someone who you so clearly looked up to? He was so scared for his brother the surgeon --justifiably so. Then, on Christmas Day, his worst nightmare came true.

Here's a snippet of what he unloaded. It's exactly the stuff lobbed at soldiers and their families:

"The purpose of an Army is to kill people."

Believe me, he wrote a lot more. I would like to say I responded in anger (and I was pissed), but the note was so filled with anger and anxiety, in a way, it begged for mercy. So, instead, I wrote this:

"I'm sorry you feel this way.
The brilliance of your brother comes through in his writing. This alone is testament to his strength and also that he was a compassionate human being --or if you'd prefer to call it, his simple minded approach to life.
Life is complex. I hope you find a way to be nice to his children."

I hope his wife doesn't feel the same way as her brother. I hope she loved her husband for who he was, and what he did. I hope she comes to see that his service was a calling that most other people just don't get. I hope she and the children don't have to take an earful from her husband's brother. That would be asking too much.

All I can do is pray that they all find the light.

Humorist Stephen Colbert Goes To Basic Training

Stephen Colbert is taking his show to the Persian Gulf. To prepare, he recently went back to his home state of South Carolina and went through basic training at the US Army base Ft. Jackson.
Story here at Army.mil
The show will air from the gulf for an entire week.

His first words? "Can I get a bellman?"

And Listen to an interview with him here where he talks about his fundraising efforts for military troops and their kids.

Eight Years Later: How 9/11 Has Changed My Life

Update: This post was originally posted on my day-to-day blog, Easy-Writer. In the comments, an anonymous poster started an attack, irrespective of the reflective tenor of this post. You may see the ensuing discussion here.

Eight years ago, I wrote for an online travel agency out of Barcelona. The experience opened up my world for me in many different ways. First was the use of technology, and "blogging" before blogs became known. The second was working with an international crew of writers around the clock. We'd meet through "hotmail chat" or "ICQ" and fish around for the particulars in one another's lives.

I remember when the planes flew into the twin towers. I went online and found my friends in India, Australia, Switzerland, Israel and France. We speculated about what this meant, how it would change things.

But of course, none of us really knew. Probably the only one who really did in real-life terms was my good friend Berlie from Israel. For her, terrorism wasn't an abstract term, but something she had lived with for years.

I found out a friend's husband had died in the World Trade Towers. A few months passed and I went to visit her. It was a somber time, and it wasn't lost on me that what should have been a time of joy to see her new baby was in fact, one filled with uncertainty.

When I went to visit the site, I got off the subway and was swept up in the flood of people heading to the same place. No words were exchanged. As we grew closer, the number of notices on tacked on fences with faces of loved ones increased. There were t-shirt hawkers, ambulances, police, and firetrucks. The smell and dust grew thicker, the clatter of generators could be heard as we zig zagged through streets and alleys to get there. Finally, the fire hoses attached to the hook and ladders, giant lights, and a piece of facade came into view.

There was nothing to say. All I knew is that those perpetrators had taken not just many lives, but the husband of a good friend.
And still, I didn't know what it meant.

So I read about the region. I thought about God, Allah and the Budah. I traveled. I listened to chants of "Bread not Bombs," and read a poem on the night we sent our first troops to Afghanistan. Emotions ran high at that reading. But unlike the others, mine wasn't a rant. It was an acknowledgment that war was no longer a silent part of our lives. You can read the poem, "Alphabet Prayer" right here.

In retrospect, I can still say, I did not know what it would mean.

Life changes. We get older. Business gets tough, and we become vulnerable. We become tired of shuffling through life, and suddenly, a new road appears before us.

Now, eight years later, we are sending a husband and father to war. Not just anyone. Ours. Mine.
And like I ought to be, we are all scared but keep going. After all, life is filled with uncertainty. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but then again, I never did before, either. But one thing: this is a time for kindness within our own walls, and outside.

While I could talk politics, wax about the creation of public policy, or expound on the stupidity of taking from the same pool of soldiers and families as we have for the past eight years, the conclusion I reach after all my mental wanderings is the same.

I still am not sure what the full extent of 9/11 means.

But perhaps the following will be the closest I can come as I take in this imperfect world with its cantankerous systems. As we try to make the world safer and broaden opportunities, we are discovering who are and who we will be in the 21st century. The world has lost many, and will lose more. Though the outcome may not be apparent until years beyond my own, I hope the sacrifices will have been worth it. While these events are defining, the part that makes me pause is it is being done by sending people we love very much.

This is the only thing I am certain about.

Straight Talking Sarah Chayes on the Karzai Government

After watching Charlie Rose's interview with Afghan President Hamid Karzai and Pakistan President Zardari, I stayed and watched Sarah Chayes. She is a former NPR correspondent who left her job after reporting from Afghanistan, to work as a civilian to foster change, and ended up as a special miltary advisor. Smart, straight talking, I got more from her than listening to the two others.

Rose asked:
"Is it possible with a Karzai government?"
To which she replied:
"Good question. “I think the answer to that question is Are we serious? There are a lot of ways we can be serious about cracking down on corrupt behavior. We haven’t asked for Afghan government officials for performance in this regard, we’ve asked in general terms but not on a case by case basis. We need to get a bit intrusive, and I say this not on as kind of colonialist foreigner, but I say that because that’s what I hear from the Afghan population. That means on the provincial level, with the governors, it means on the national level, it means not turning a blind eye which we’ve been turning thus far. There are many Afghans who feel it’s not possible under at Karzai government, but who simultaneously feel the deck is stacked against the possibility of an opposition candidate carrying this election.”

Interesting I watched her, because last night I was browsing through blogs and visited Bouhammer's blog. I haven't been there in over a year, and yet this post stood out.

Our Front Door

I haven't figured out if this flips out the neighbors yet. Some have brandished me as utterly right wing, others were wondering if it meant hubs was dead. And so I explain to them that we're a blue star family --meaning we have someone in the family who is serving. If it turns to a gold star, well, that means that person has died in the line of duty. But it is interesting. The liberals on our block won't make eye contact. The conservatives can't help us enough. It's silly, really, being that I'll talk to just about everyone.

Some milspouses are upset today because of the way a story was broken by the media. Apparently a soldier opened fire and killed 5 of our own at an counseling center on base outside of Baghdad set up to help soldiers deal with stress and personal issues.

Some spouses are upset because they feel it's likely that the families weren't notified prior to the story breaking. They're guessing this because in the announcements, their names were not released.

Traditionally, the media does not release names of any deceased --whether or not they are in the military, unless it's cleared by several sources. Maybe the writers and editors couldn't get a solid confirmation so they just ran with what happened. It might be that the Army decided not to release the names in order to preserve not only confidentiality for not only those in the counseling center (remember, if they were there as patients, they were covered by HIPAA), but for the families as well. There are so many variables here, I'd hate to make a guess or an accusation against the media.

So Gates and others were faced with an awful dilemma: talk about it openly, or try to keep the lid on a story that wasn't going to be kept. I have no doubt that soldiers and others were blogging, twittering, emailing and on the phone when it happened.

It was a tragic story to break, and yet, I think Gates handled it as best he could while preserving the identities of the families so that they could --if they hadn't yet, be reached. I'm grateful they didn't release the names. How awful it would have been had someone heard it on the TV.

Interesting Site on The Swat Valley

Check this out:
Swat Valley Under The Reign Of Darkness

I've been reading a lot about the events in the Swat Valley (northern Pakistan). This is a very interesting site put together by students and professionals from Swat, "to show the world the reality of the terror going on in Swat."

Compelling reading. Thank God for the blogosphere.
Just recently, I got this email from an old friend in NYC. She recollected a time long ago, when:

"One of the best trip my husband and I ever took was to India, Kashmir, Pakistan, through the Khyberpass into Afghanistan. There we knew the American Ambassador and he gave us a Mercedes bus and we traveled all that great country; mostly enjoyed Bamyan with its majestic Buddha's built into the mountain. Though they no longer exist due to horror of the Taliban we will never forget spending days climbing inside and standing on the shoulder of the main Buddha. Inside were separate caves full of Essoteric symbols. It had been a study place of all that passed by during the silk- route."

What a contrast today.
Death, destruction, and mayhem. A huge struggle. How the world has changed.

AP Photos by Greg Baker (Vaya con dios, Greg)

New Awful Look

Ugh! I tried to change from a 2 column to a 3 column layout and the new template won't let me keep my masthead! ARGHHHH....and I can't even re-set it using the downloaded template that I saved.

I hate this.

UPDATE: Okay, I got the old page back. But I do want a 3 column layout and if you find one where I can still keep my masthead, let me know.

Daughter Goes To Summer Camp

Daughter has gotten in to camp down at the Navy Base on Coronado Island, run by Operation Camp purple (a partnership with the NMFA and The Sierra Club). With the typical teenager dourness, she says she doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't want to go. She's never been a "joiner," or even a "Yay yay cheerleader type," and yet when she does do things like this, she usually has a good time.
At this camp they're going to do all the typical things: water sports, games, art and making friends. They'll also talk about the stresses of having a parent deployed and will have some fun on obstacle courses on a "military day." Here's a sample:

I have to say, I would have loved a camp like this.
The camp is free --all I have to pay is a small processing fee.
But if you haven't, would you donate a bit to Operation Camp Purple?

Pre-Deployment Whinging

I took this photo 2 years ago at LAX.

So, this is the life of an active-duty couple who live 3,000 miles apart.
Hubs is flying in on June 9 to see son graduate from high school. On the 13th, we have a party. I mean, a big party. We're celebrating graduation, father's day, daughter's birthday, halloween, thanksgiving, christmas and new years all in one!

Yeah, it's a potluck. Yeah, it's going to be nuts. No, I can't afford to hire a band because the airplane tickets zipping us back and forth are setting me back almost 2k.

He flies back on the 14th. We were going to fly back with him, but he's taking this cheesy itinerary with tin can flights going in and out of Dallas. GROSS! I mean, they do not FEED you on those flights! The last time I did that, I had to buy a pizza at the airport for the flight back. When I opened it up on the plane, I caused a near-riot.

So we held out for the Boeing 767 through Atlanta on Monday. At least they have TV's and when you're flying with maniacs like son and daughter, you scramble for whatever diversions you can find. Once we're there, we have three days to pack him up, get stuff in storage then zoom across Georgia to deliver him to his point of deployment at Fort Freakin' Benning. Then I'm going to be zooming back to Savannah to pack up the apartment, look at neighborhoods, set up bank accounts and gahhhhhh......arghhhhhh.....come back to LA on the 29th.

I think I might be conscious. I'm not sure.
Welcome to the Army, Babe ...is how I think they say it.

A Change In Date

Well, hubby's deployment date has been moved up.
There's much to do and think about.
I'm grateful for all the friends I have who support me and the kids.
I'm also grateful for having met online a dynamic bunch of Army spouses.
What an incredible group.