Dread Of Writing & Remarkable Prose

Cross Posted from my writing blog.
Today is another writing day for me, but my attention is focused on my final draft of Riverdogs. The manuscript awaits, and tunneling in always takes a bit of brushing away fear that the 500 page behemoth won't matter to anyone else. I'm certain all writers face this fear. I do, even though this puppy has been vetted by any number of writers. Besides, I can't turn back. My protagonist needs me to finish her out so that she can enjoy a completed life.

I found a bit of remarkable prose written by Alexander Martin on fear and character. Woven with humor and depth, I think this piece will amaze. Read Life's Gravity on the US Naval Institute Blog. And leave him a comment.

"When I’m about to exit an aircraft on a night jump I always experience a certain degree of fear. When I feel the apprehension come on (it always does) I have a mental immediate action drill I execute. First I wish I wasn’t there. This doesn’t help."

The 2LT: Most Definitely Not Alone

Despite being misunderstood by his parents, a 2LT finds family amid supporters.

I met a kid this weekend. A recent graduate of West Point, he's a 2LT who will deploy soon.
His very first. His very first everything.
He was on his way to his new post. Excited, but quiet and humble.
He's aware of the thoughts that people have about West Point graduates. I think he'll be one of the ones who will work to over come their assumptions by working hard.

Later, I found out that his parents are mystified over his decision to go to West Point and then have to serve. They're bugged because their other kid has chosen to get an advanced degree. What they assume is one day --after emerging with a pile of debt, the other kid will make a million bucks a year.
Maybe.
But the overwhelming chance is that their other kid will be average.
I mean, most people are. Average is not a bad thing to be in this crapshoot called life.
The other kid will struggle, as all people do, and they'll even have a few crappy jobs and toil in obscurity for a spell. The other kid will face their share of heart ache, confusion, disappointment, setbacks and sorrows... like everyone else.
But there's no guarantee to becoming rich.

On the other hand, their son is going to be taking part in something much bigger than himself. Less than 1% of the population volunteers to go on the path he has chosen. That makes him a special, and yeah, it might (as Mr. Mike Marine says), mean that he's "wired differently." He's a soldier, and he embodies the warrior ethos. What he will see will be life changing. He will take the good and the bad, and let's all decide we're going to help him through the bad.

I certainly hope his parents will turn around. I hope their last conversation with him won't be berating him for his decision. I hope they will accept that his life isn't not about matching their wishes and perceptions. It's all about his. And I hope if they have any scary thoughts --which all of us do, that they will work through them by meeting with other Blue Star families to send packages every week. There's much they can do: cruise the blogs, write, and even learn to use skype for the rare occasion he's able to get on.
I know if they do show up to a Blue Star gathering, it'll be like eating crow. But I know the families will help them.
And I hope they do all this.
Because they will never forgive themselves if they aren't a part of his life.
So I've decided. He's my kid now. After he deploys, he's going to get so many packages he won't know what hit. I'll keep it going even after The Hubs goes back, too. With any luck, they'll meet!

Three Short Notes On Yoga

A good thing:

I wanted to tell you about a DVD that was sent to me by Gaiam. I like Practical Power of Yoga with Collen Saidman and Rodney Yee because it's specially created for people who have no yoga experience. Their belief is everyone can do yoga. Whether it's in a chair, using props, or sitting on a mat, Saidman and Yee make it easy and fun.

Neither Rodney Yee or his wife Colleen Saidman contort themselves into difficult poses. They keep their explanation of yoga pretty simple, and stay away from any esoteric talk that often bogs down instruction and leaves students confused, or even angry. Yee has always been refreshing in this regard, and his ability to cut through myths born from the popular yoga culture is welcome and needed.

In a conversational, even playful tone, Yee and Saidman offer up simple poses to a studio audience with a variety of abilities in this 73 minute DVD. This as a great place to start if you're new to yoga, and want to play around a bit before going into a studio.

What about flexibility? One of the perceptions of yoga is that it's all about stretching, given the images constantly given to us. Though stretching is really important, yoga isn't necessarily all about putting one's toe over one's ear. Flexibility has two different meanings. There's the physical aspect and then there's the mental kind that keeps us centered and adaptable. Physical flexibility will greatly vary from person to person. That's why there are so many variations on poses. Mental flexibility is a different thing. It's what keeps us balanced in the face of change. Now that (to me) is the thing to acquire from all this stretching. After all, if life was only about physical flexibility, how is it that Steven Hawking can keep going?

Steven Hawking enjoying Zero G:
no flexibility or use of body, yet a most flexible mind.

Yoga-ing while sick: I've been struggling for the past few months. I first got sick while traveling over Thanksgiving. I did all the right things, amped up my vitamin C, got more rest, rinsed my sinus passages with saline, but just before Christmas I was sinking fast. I even stayed out of the studio and practiced at home so not to get anyone else sick. I had an awful lung infection, which necessitated antibiotics. I am super careful with them, and try to never take them. Unfortunately, they didn't work on whatever strain was ailing me. I was getting worse.

So I was switched to another one. The lung infection went away, but I ended up with antibiotic-induced colitis. This colitis thing comes and goes. I have to go get a bunch of tests soon.

Anyway, I returned to the yoga studio last week, and I have to say it's great. I especially love Peter's class. He has a very upbeat attitude and we always laugh during class. I'm back to 3 - 4 times in the studio, and every day at the home. Even if it's just 20 minutes of breathing exercises and gentle stretches. I feel really good after I go, and throughout the day. I have an overall sense of well being --even though there are times when the waves of colitis overcomes me. Knock wood, it'll be over soon.

An Interview With Novelist Allie Larkin

I've got a nifty interview with first time novelist Allie Larkin over on my writing blog, Easy-Writer. Allie's book, STAY is being published by Dutton this year. It's a big, big event for this writer who lives near in Rochester NY with her two dogs and wonderful husband.

1. As a writer, what's your daily routine?

"My days vary a lot depending on what's due, what's going on with TheGreenists.com, and what random ideas have popped into my head."

Read the rest at: Get Lost With Easy-Writer

The Medical Training Of Dr. Hassan: A Breach Of Public Trust

Note: I've been a surgeon's wife through the many reincarnations of medical practice management. From large corporate group practices, to medium size groups to solo practice. I have always had a very keen awareness of what works and what doesn't in the world of practice management. I have never hesitated to share it --even with CEO's of major medical centers. All the opinions herein are mine, and mine alone gleaned from years of experience in the field. -K.F.

Years ago, when The Hubs was starting his internship in surgical training, it was understood that the program would start with 5 and graduate only 3 after a five year training. This practice was standard in medical training programs, especially at universities. It was understood that they had to prove themselves to be of value not only to the institution but to the patients. If they didn't, they would be cut.

Inevitably, a cut was made. The intern in question just didn't have what it took. He wasn't going to get the stamp of approval or be offered to the public as a surgeon. Over the years, another was let go, as were others from intern and residency groups above and below. Residents left on their own accord or were cut --as late as their fourth year. The training program was a privilege not a right, and those who hung in there were worked to the bone. At the end of The Hubs' fifth year, only three of the five graduated and earned the title of "surgeon."

Apparently, Nidal Malik Hassan went through a less demanding program. It was revealed shortly after the tragedy at Fort Hood that Hassan had gotten not one bad review, but several. The negative reports about him stretched back to his internship (first) year.

The entire physician-patient relationship is based on trust. The decision to keep Hassan constituted a breach of public trust. It's imperative in any training program to cut undesirables out early. Anyone unable to make the grade is an uneasy prospect to imagine with patients either in the military or on the civilian side. Tragically, this proved to be true in a most extreme and deadly way at Fort Hood.

Just because the military pays someone's tuition, shouldn't guarantee entry into or completion of internship or residency. To be a soldier/doctor is a very high order. If the medical student gets poor grades, or doesn't pass stringent reviews as an intern or resident, he or she should be cut --just as they would at the best training programs in the U.S. The money provided to them for their medical school tuition and living expenses would then convert to a loan. Just like their civilian counterparts.

Unless the military upholds the same standards found in university and many other programs, they should stop offering internship and residencies altogether. This might not be a bad idea, since many (not all) military-paid students circumvent the match; a national process of elimination that all other US medical students must go to in order to gain entry into a medical training program.

"The Match." Let me explain the process. In a medical student's last year, he or she decides on an area of interest to pursue (Family Practice, OB-GYN, Psychiatry, Surgery, etc). They find programs and apply to them. They send in their grades, get recommendations, put together a list of accomplishments and at least with their top five, they interview in person. This is a national process and extremely competitive.

When the time comes, the students submit their list of choices. At the same time, the training programs also submit their choices of who they want in their program. It's all tossed into a magic computer and hopefully, there is a "match." If you get one of your top 3 choices, you've done well. Some students get a different one, but nevertheless, that's where they're going to do their training.

Then there are those who don't "match" at all. In other words, they have no place to go for training once they get their medical school diploma. These are the ones who must phone around the country to see if there are any slots available for a first-year intern. It's an awful scramble. But the value of "the match," is that it winnows out those who probably shouldn't be there in the first place.

To give you an idea of how competitive it is, twenty students in The Hubs' graduating medical class applied for surgical training programs. Only four matched. The remaining sixteen were left to scramble.

From my understanding, military medical students may choose to go through a match and train at a university, or they can choose to "match into" a military residency program. But since the pool of military medical students is much smaller, it's far less competitive. While it's speculative whether or not Hassan might have matched into a university program, his bad reviews as an intern and residency would've resulted in a cut. However, this wasn't the case at Walter Reed. Hassan's graduation by the military psychiatric residency program at Walter Reed does give the appearance of a guarantee of completion.

Through the military internship and residency programs, these doctor/soldiers are being paid double what their civilian counterparts are receiving at university training programs. Doctors in training must prove why the military should keep them, or face having the entire financial package converted to a ticket out and a loan. The military must not flinch when it comes to cuts in any of the medical training programs. It's what their counterparts at universities do every day.

From Soldier To Clothes Horse

We had a lot of fun over on Facebook with the makeover contest sponsored by ESQ by Movado. Our candidate, Brian Schiele, garnered a lot of votes from both military and civilians. Brian was in the National Guard and the Army for 23 years, and for the last 8 has enjoyed wearing the digitally printed pajamas, known as Army ACU's. But Brian has retired from the military, and has a new job helping veterans at the VA. He needs clothes. Hence, the reason for entering the contest. Brian is also an incredibly good photographer who has exhibited his work. Visit his website here: My Three Holgas And Other Stories.

The good news is that Brian came in third out of many, many entries. For placing in the top 3, Movado is giving Brian a fancy watch, a $1,000 gift card, and phone consultation with a wardrobe consultant. We're all really excited, and we're hoping someone follows Brian around and films him so that we can do a "What Not To Wear" episode, a la Clinton and Stacey. Brian is a wardrobe makeover dream because he's in really good shape, hence, he can probably wear most anything!

Over the Christmas break, I thought of Brian and took these photos of some looks I thought he might like. Click on any image, and pull up the notes I've made about each look by going over to Photobucket. Have fun shopping, Brian!

Newman's Own: An Easy Way To Give

Over here on the Kitchen Dispatch desk, things get piled high, stories that need to be written accumulate but eventually everything gets done. As you know, I'm always interested in food and feasting, and here's an easy way to support a company that gives back to the military. A coupon link to products found at the grocery store is at the bottom of this article.

Last autumn The Newman's Own Awards donated $175,000 to organizations that support and improve the quality of life for those in the military. From a $100,000 donation to Fisher House to another $75,000 given to eleven smaller organizations to encourage them to continue building upon their success. One of the organizations was "Sew Much Comfort," from Burnsville, Minnesota.

"Sew Much Comfort is the only organization providing adaptive clothing at no cost to our wounded service members. Without adaptive clothing, the only option for them is a hospital gown. Newman's Own seeks to improve the lives of those who serve and veterans."

They also chose Carolina Canines For Service, located in Jacksonville, North Carolina.

"Carolina Canines for Service (CCFS) is a non-profit health and human services organization that provides people with disabilities quality trained service dogs. In 2008, CCFS launched a national pilot program, Carolina Canines for Veterans, to assist wounded warriors with a quality trained service dog, using military prisoners to train the dogs rescued from local shelters."

Other groups included ones that work on housing for veterans, retreats for wounded warriors and their families and camps for children. A donation from Newman's Own is an affirmative nod to these small organizations. Often, they operate on a threadbare budget with a handful of regular volunteers. Their efforts are important over the long run.

The late actor Paul Newman started the company with one salad dressing. Over time they added more products ranging from Lemonade (without corn syrup --very important as cs contributes to childhood diabetes) to pet food. The profits go to benefit organizations that seek to improve the condition of life. Since 1982, they have given $280 Million dollars to organizations both here and abroad for the common good.
Click here for coupons.

The Phony Brigadier General: I've Seen The Elephant Too

Over on This Ain't Hell and other fine blogs, they're doing a thorough investigation of a military poseur.

Fake soldiers are plenty, given the preponderance of medals and uniforms you can buy online these days. However, these poseurs usually trip themselves up by going over the top and putting combonations together that don't make sense. Hence, it was easy for the real veterans to spot this phony and take his credentials apart.

Impostors soak in the good will from civilians as they pretend to be soldiers who have done the gritty work of war. They besmirch the memory of those soldiers who have lost their lives.
The latest had the gall to show up to a party in Houston dressed to the nines as a Brigadier General. As you can see here, he went completely over the top. But that's not all. On Linked In, he posted a CV that was mostly false. He claims to have "seen the elephant," a reference apparently to having gone through combat. In the case of Michael Patrick McManus, aka Alvin W.K. Chan, his elephant was probably akin to the pink one above. Over on This Ain't Hell, they're simply referring to him as "the General."

People like this may be tragic figures, whatever dark portions of their sad lives made them live a life of lies is outweighed by the human toll left behind. Cons like him take advantage of many, and it's only time before people who thought they knew "the General" come forward with his tales.

No doubt, he's a teller of tall tales. He's regaled people with cursory knowledge gleaned from real war stories and embellished them as his own. All this is bad for the military world in general --the stories our men and women come back with are gained by paying a price. We also know there are civilians who already don't trust us, who think the worst of us, and charlatans like him perpetuate a lot of over-sized stereotypes.

Though he is far worse, this guy is in a heap similar to the ball player or Olympic athlete who takes steroids, the flim flam artist who promises something, collects money and disappears, or the con man who woos lonely women away from their money. This guy plays on people's emotions. Make no mistake --military poseurs are con men and grifters and they deserved to be pursued to the full extent of the law. This Ain't Hell lists the laws this guy has broken.
Hat tip: Mudville Gazette
This Ain't Hell

Haiti, The 82nd Airborne, The American Red Cross

The big news last week was the earthquake in Haiti. A near-total devastation of the island, with recovery crews needed for the gruesome weeks ahead. It is difficult to read about this, and think of the thousands that have been quickly buried without any photos to I.D. them for later on. There will be people who will simply be assumed dead. We watched as we stayed at Army Lodging, then waited half-expecting The Hubs to roll in with the announcement that he would be on his way there. He's not. After all, he just got back from downrange where --among other things, he set up a pediatric burn clinic.

Certainly, there has always been a special place in hell reserved for the Duvaliers. It was they who plundered and starved the islanders between 1971 and 1986, pilfering some $546 Million. I hope the cheese they're eating while living in exile in France is rancid. With little infrastructure to begin with, few natural resources, and generations induced to endure poverty, the struggles of Haitians will be long lasting.

I'm grateful that the U.S. military has sent over medical teams, soldiers and supplies. Good on the 82nd Airborne.

We've chosen to give to The American Red Cross, as we do for every major disaster. The ARC has done amazing things in our own region whenever we have a fire, flood or earthquake.

Enjoy The Journey

There are some sayings that, though you try to shake them off as hackneyed wisdom, are certainly true. For instance: "You never know where you'll end up." This is most definitely an immutable fact of life. However, I always see the irony and humor in this, and as I've aged (no, really, I mean aged in the best sense), have found it's best to have a positive attitude, even when it seems the entire world is upside down.

The past year has been one of enormous shifts. The deployment could have turned out to be one big waiting game, but I got through it by spending time on things I loved, things that spell the essence of who I am, and also by getting to projects that I had been meaning to for a very long time.
Louie, my buff dog.
So the deployment for me was very productive. I was the shepherd for our daughter into her teenage years. I put down some boundaries with our son. I started up on yoga in earnest, and emerged each time both energized and positive. Three rooms in the house got painted, the garage door fixed, a ceiling was re-plastered, and numerous other projects that had been going neglected were finally taken on and completed. I even cleaned out the closets. I read a lot of books. So many, that I had to clear the shelves to add the new ones. The mail lady found us us a dog walker who managed to tame the crazy mutt. Did you know Louie walks 8 miles a day now? I even got the finances straightened.

Watson, Angry Parsnip's dog

I made a lot of new friends, even stayed with Angry Parsnip down in Tucson. Here's a picture of her dog, Watson. Our family befriended a local character who brings us endless amusement as he barnstorms his way through the ineptitude of city hall and local politics. My relationship with my kids became firmly rooted. The emails with The Hubs were rich and interesting, and not centered on "Honey do's."

And I also grew to admire the military community in a way that runs deep and has become a part of who I am. They're all good eggs. I hope to know them forevah and evah.

As my yoga instructors would say, this is called enjoying the journey. And I guess that's the only advice I can give to anyone going through similar circumstances. Look for all the small things along the way, the things that make you tick along at your very best, rather than solely focusing on the what's far away, and often beyond your control.

For The Weekend: I'm Not Going Far (Giveaway Time)

I'm just doing other things.
Enjoy the music.
One of my favorite songs, just for you.
Win this CD by leaving a comment. Winner will be chosen next week by random.org. If you don't know who the Beatles are, please don't tell us. You'll just make the rest of us feel ancient.

The Yon Fiasco: Ten Things To Say About Your Income

Right now, word is abuzz about Michael Yon's reporting on Facebook that he got arrested at the Seattle-Tacoma airport by the Customs Border Protection (CBP) for refusing to answer questions about his income. The liberal group Media Matters have decided to make fun of him overlooking the fact that the CBP have no reason to ask you about your income nor confirm it with the IRS.

Media Matters' assertion is that he wasn't arrested. In other words, they're playing with vocabulary. Okay, fine. Call it apprehended. But if someone throws handcuffs on you, you no longer have your freedom.

Journalists from throughout the world often have a daunting time getting through customs. Just ask Australian Journalist Sue Smethurst who came over without an I-visa to interview Olivia Newton-John.

"She was then handcuffed and marched through the airport to another terminal, where LAX’s main detention center is located."

Damn it. I'd have a hard time not calling that arrested. But for the sake of Media Matters, we'll call it apprehended. By the way, she was also branded a "criminal." Every time she comes back to the US, her name comes up on some shit list. Writing is a hard way to make a living.

So just for the heck of it, I've started a list of things to say when and if CBP asks you about your income.

Ten Things To Say About Your Income

1. Before or after taxes?
2. Before or after my 3 ex-wives/husbands get it?
3. I don't know. I only get an allowance of $100 a week from my wife. She gets all the rest.
4. That would depend on what you call income.
5. My husband would know the answer to that. I'm a trophy wife.
6. It all depends on how I perform. Last year was spectacular. Just ask this lady traveling with me.
7. I dunno. I mostly use credit cards. When one maxes out, I just go to the next.
8. Every cent of it is hard earned.
9. $55,000. That's what my CPA tells me every year.
10. Not much. I have kids.

And by the way, I saw Joan Rivers on Larry King. Boy, what a looney tune experience she had in Costa Rica. She was magnificent. I like her more and more. As she said, they wouldn't let her in but they let diaper bomber through. And so it was with Michael Yon.

Hat Tips: Laughing Wolf for the matter of the IRS
and also to Michael Yon and Joan Rivers

Get This Veteran Some New Duds!

This is Brian. He needs new clothes. No, more than that, Brian needs a new look! Fortunately, Movado is sponsoring a wardrobe makeover contest.
Brian Schiele, a 21 year Army veteran retired last year. For the past eight years, he wore his ACU's everyday. Getting dressed was a no-brainer. But now, he's got a job at the VA Hospital helping veterans.
And he needs our help.
Help him win by going to this link over on Facebook and voting once every 24 hours. Right now, he's in the top 3. The military community needs to make sure he's #1 all the way through January 15.

So go here and VOTE FOR BRIAN! Just scroll down until you see the photo of Brian, and vote.
Brian is a fisherman, an artist, and a photographer. He recently had three photographs chosen for inclusion in the show at the Brea Museum of scenes taken during his deployment.
In addition, he also ties flys!

His photography site is over here at
My Three
Holgas and Other Stories.

SEVEN Things To Offer A Soldier (with a possible eighth)

Recently, I wrote a post about some of the insufferably awkward things people say to those in the military. I listed seven things not to say to a veteran and the reasons for not doing so. As an example of what else not to say, read an earlier article I wrote about trash can politics.
But today, I've written seven things to offer a soldier in reply to "Joe Doakes," a civilian from St. Paul Minnesota who wrote:

"...Say I meet a returning vet, maybe at a New Year's Eve party:
"Thanks for your service."
"You're welcome."
[crickets]
Okay, so what Should I say next? How was the weather? What's your favorite MRE? How 'bout those Vikings?
Seriously, I'd like to be supportive and polite but don't know where the landmines are. Little help here?"

First, let's talk about the vanishing art of small talk. Sadly, this has fallen by the wayside for the mistaken belief that getting to know someone means unearthing the nitty-gritty of one's existence. Politics, religion, health problems, family dysfunction, financial woes, and gossip --are now first topics of conversation. But it's not to find out your views, its more for them to put their views, disappointments, and achievements on display as though they were a float in the Rose Parade. What ensues is often the worst kind of conversation. It's strained, and the new-found familiarity can be overbearing. Remember, an initial conversation establishes that one is thoughtful, considerate, friendly and nothing more.

Personally, I've never found anything wrong with commenting on the weather. After all, such a topic can often lead to a good story. Just recently in the Los Angeles Times, journalist Robert Lloyd interviewed David Tennant. Lloyd commented on the rainy weather. Tennant's response:

"I can understand it's a novelty here," he said, "but I watched the news last night and it sounded like the world was coming to an end."

Wry, sarcastic. A good one-liner to help break the ice.
And how about those Vikings? Nothing wrong with that!

Weather, books, food, pets, sports, movies, hobbies, and what's on TV are fairly safe topics of an initial conversation and helpful to get to know someone. I could regale you with loads of stories about my dog, were you to ask about pets. Remember, a soldier is more than just that. He has other interests. Eventually, a deep discussion might take place, but only after you've established yourself with some fun and polite back-and-forth.

SEVEN Things To Offer A Soldier

1. Be Relaxed. Use the right body language. Smile. Wave. Shake their hand.
2. Be Welcoming. Say hello. Thank them for their service. If you've invited a soldier to a party, make sure you take them around for introductions. Whether or not he wants to be introduced as one is a conversation you should have prior to his arrival.
3. Be Undemanding. Don't ask a lot of questions. Conversely, don't expect them to listen to your point of view.
4. Acceptance. We are all born with quirks and have foibles. Remember yours, and you'll be accepting.
5. Be Encouraging. Offer encouragement, but don't be pushy. Wish them luck in in their endeavors. Only offer advice if it's wanted. Only offer to help if you intend to follow through. Hold back on the number of "shoulds" you sprinkle into a conversation.
6. Be Enthusiastic. "I'm glad you're back." "It's good to see you." "So glad you're with your family." "How wonderful you're back for Christmas."
7. Be A Good Listener. Nothing is more flattering than being a good listener. (And nothing will get you a date faster if you become one).

I could add #8, which I'll let Fernando explain in this video.

SEVEN things never to say to a veteran

The other day, we had the most wonderful party here at the house. I was very selective in making the guest list. I only invited individuals who had proven themselves to be the epitome of grace and encouragement.

However, let's just say some of our rather insular neighbors --of whom we only have a passing acquaintance, have not. I'm writing this to ask you to pass it on. It's fair to say that most military families go through what we did: people don't care to ask how you are during the deployment, but they will give you --unsolicited, their two cents about the war. All of this has made a homecoming a little bit uneasier, as even taking the dog out can be like a walk through a social mine field.

Their boorish and rude behavior breaks every code of social etiquette. They also stomp without feeling on those who have been through a life altering experience. The following tips have been culled from DiversityInc. I've also compiled a reading list for those who are greatest in need. The books make great Christmas, anniversary or birthday presents! It's apparent that the rudest were never given (as I was) a copy of Emily Post when they were sixteen!

SEVEN THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO A VETERAN

1. "Thank you for your service, but I don't think we should have been there in the first place."

All that's needed is, "Thank you for your service." Anything more shows that you really are more interested in what you think, and that you think your opinion is of more importance than everyone else's.

Everyone has an opinion about the war but not everyone wants to hear it, says Ryan Kules, an Army veteran who spent 18 months at Walter Reed recuperating from wounds. People often use him as a sounding board for their take on the war.

"People should recognize their opinion is a personal view and not necessarily an appropriate thing to share with someone who has obviously physical injuries from a conflict," says Ryan Kules. This is especially true in the workplace.

2. "Is it worth it?"
People should understand that this is a multifacted question. The soldier and his family has done extensive research into the history of the region, the cultural differences, the needs, and also the politics. It is a highly subjective question, and usually the person who asks this has already made up their mind irrespective of the experience or education of the person they are addressing.

3. "Are you a lesbian?"

Don't even ask what a newly returned veteran thinks about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." It's a deep conversation, and you might find yourself pulled into a direction you don't want to go.

The idea that all women in the military are lesbians is not only archaic but it also plays into stereotypes, says Delilah Washburn, president of the National Association of State Women Veterans. A person's choice about being out about orientation remains that--that person's choice. Don't assume and don't be rude.

4. "You're too rigid to deal with sudden changes."

No one has asked you to get personal. Don't ascribe personal attributes solely to being a soldier.

Because service members are forced to adhere to a rigid schedule, many civilians assume they are unable to think outside the box or adapt quickly. That couldn't be further from the truth. Many veterans are among the most adaptable employees around.

"Former military have a resourcefulness, an adaptability to change," says David Casey, a former U.S. Marine who is now vice president of workplace culture and chief diversity officer for WellPoint, No. 44 in The 2009 DiversityInc Top 50 Companies for Diversity. And despite standard operating procedures set in the military, "things never go as planned, and you have to accomplish your mission in all kinds of environments. The ability to be able to adapt is very important, especially in today's corporate environment," Casey adds.

5. "Do you have post-traumatic stress disorder?"

Unless you're a qualified treatment specialist being sought out for help with PTSD, don't ask. You might want to say: "I'm glad you're back home."

"If you are talking to someone about their injuries, then the best way to ask this is to let the veteran volunteer this information him or herself," advises Kules.

6. "What's the worst thing that happened to you over there?"

Do you really want to hear it? And why? Are you going to repeat it, blog it, twitter it? Use it for your own means? What happened is so deep, dark and personal. Many times it was life changing. This isn't a topic for casual conversation, and again --you may find yourself in rougher waters than you're able to cope with.

To non-veterans, this seems like a harmless question, but it's inappropriate, especially in the workplace. "This is like asking someone, 'What's the worst day of your life? Tell me in detail'--no one wants to do that," says Kules.

7. "Have you ever killed anyone?"

Just say, "I'm glad you're home. Welcome back."

This question invades the veteran's privacy and it forces him or her to possibly relive painful memories. "The person asking this question doesn't have any idea how the veteran may feel about the situation," says Kules.

Washburn adds that this inquiry brings into question a veteran's morality. "This goes deeper than an issue of sensitivity. There are things like faith-based value systems that make this question very personal," says Washburn. "There should be some barriers."

The Mascara Humvee

The Hubs took this shot after an unnamed soldier pulled up to the FST.

Needless to say, this fashionista
is grateful some people never leave home without the big yellow tube.

While this isn't a plug for Maybelline
Colossal Volume, it's interesting to know that this stuff holds out through war.

Tell THAT to your boyfriend and sistahs!