My Missed Deadline

Memo

 From Kanani Fong

To: Department of Midlife Crisis

 Re: Deadline Missed

 To Whom It May Concern:

 This is to inform you that while I tried to get a midlife crisis filed in under the wire, I have yet to follow through and submit one. I'm afraid that I've missed the deadline for "midlife" completely, and it's incredibly past due. Some would say I'm in the downward slide of my last twenty years. However, if this is a plunge to some other destiny, I've been much too distracted to notice.

 So I'm wondering if I should just dispense with the notion of having a midlife crisis all together. Unlike others, I either misplaced or never received the requisition form for the red convertible, or dating a species of a younger age. In addition, I never quit a job to take a wandering journey either across America, Africa or through Asia because my career has been rather random. Hence, if I did leave to go anywhere, no one would have noticed.

 I didn't realize the deadline had passed until I had to really think about my age. You see, I still feel as awkward as a 28 year old, and there are times when my naivete is akin to an eighteen year old. Given the rapid shift in technology, this isn't surprising.

 Enclosed, please find the pass I was supposed to use when I approached the turnpike into my midlife crises. I'm sorry it's stained with coffee and crumpled. I found it under the seat of my car, along with empty soda cans and six receipts from Starbucks. Since teenagers seem to be hardwired for cynicism, I think you should consider moving midlife crisis to 25 or at the latest, 30. Maybe you can issue it to one of them.  I'm sure it will be very dramatic. I'll be sure to honk, when I'm driving by in the blue Subaru sedan when I see a red sports car on fire.