Put Sarge On The Wall: Agent Orange and The Wall

Recently, Chuck Cordle tried to get his father's last dying wish fulfilled. To have his name added to the Vietnam Veterans' Memorial Wall after he died. Chuck has started a cause, and you can find it here: Put Sarge On The Wall.
Sarge, best known for his popular blog "Sarge Charlie," didn't die in combat in Vietnam. He was, however, a veteran of that war and was sprayed with Agent Orange.

Agent Orange was used to defoliate the forests of Vietnam. It was also directed at farmlands and got into the food chain and water supply.  This herbicide was developed by Monsanto and Dow chemicals. While in Vietnam, the veterans were told Agent Orange was "harmless."  From Wikipedia:

"During the Vietnam War, between 1962 and 1971, the United States military sprayed nearly 20,000,000 US gallons (75,700,000 l) of chemical herbicides and defoliants in Vietnam, eastern Laos and parts of Cambodia, as part of Operation Ranch Hand."

The effects were broad sweeping, sociopolitically, environmentally, and on health.

"Vietnam estimates 400,000 people were killed or maimed, and 500,000 children born with birth defects."  -Wikipedia

For U.S. Veterans, the effects were also great.

"Studies showed that veterans who served in the South during the war have increased rates of cancer, and nerve, digestive, skin and respiratory disorders. Veterans from the south had higher rates of throat cancer, acute/chronic leukemia, Hodgkin's lymphoma and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, prostate cancer, lung cancer, colon cancer, soft tissue sarcoma and liver cancer. Other than liver cancer, these are the same conditions the US Veteran's Administration has found to be associated with exposure to Agent Orange/dioxin, and are on the list of conditions eligible for compensation and treatment. -Wikipedia ^[35]" 

Sarge Charlie was one of these. After the war, he battled cancer three times. Finally, it killed him last month.

Chuck wants nothing more than to have his father's name on the wall. However, his request has met rejection from one former Army LtColonel, who told him that in order to get your name on the wall, you must have died in combat. But I want to point out: the wall is not run by the Army. It is run with funds from a private, nonprofit organization. (Correction noted by Chuck: the DOD decides who gets on and who doesn't, and a virtual wall has been added. See Chuck's point of view below in the comments).

^{I'm not one for messing around with tradition. In fact I didn't join the cause at first because I am uncomfortable with changes to our public institutions. But then I remembered some of our patients from our private practice.}

<sup>As time goes on and our understanding of the struggles that occur in the aftermath of war broaden, I think there is room to discuss the intent of this memorial. While he did not die in combat, Sarge died as the result of the after effects of war. As did so many others. Whether it was Agent Orange, or PTSD that led to self-isolation, alcoholism, or suicide, the affects of war sometimes led to a death that could take decades to complete. It was tortuous, and often no one believed them when they said that they felt sick. They thought they were going crazy, and sometimes that kind of rejection just drives some people under.


So I'm open to adding his name, and others. Because to not recognize their deaths is giving a free pass to companies who profit greatly off war, and in comparison, give very little back to those who fight. I don't know how the families of those whose names are carved in the wall will feel. But let me point out the obvious: they were all brothers (and sisters --because I do count nurses and other women who served) in arms. They served together. They fought together. They saw awful things. They shared laughs, and fears. Those who lived past combat, thought of their fallen comrades all the time. Why would one veteran reject another?

 The addition of the names will necessitate more panels on the wall. But let every American truly comprehend the real costs of war, and never repeat the mistakes of the past. Let us all understand the power of these large corporations, and how they affected not only those who were sprayed by Agent Orange, but also left their families to watch them suffer, and by circumstance, suffer as well.</sup>

Some might disagree. And I'm fine with that.  To the late Sarge and to Empress Bee, whose kindness has served as a beacon in the early days, when I felt lost.

Psychiatrists On Helicopters

(Names have been changed)
From the Hubs' photos of his deployment in Afghanistan on a Spanish airbase. 

"Helena, left, is a psychiatrist who does helicopter rescues. 

Roselia, her friend is one of the nurses. The flags are Bulgarian." 

When was the last time you heard of a shrink doing helicopter rescues?  


GAME CHANGER: Perhaps we need to make helicopter rescues mandatory for all doctors training to be psychiatrists in their final three years of residency. 

A year ago. We remember. Restrepo in 3 Words

Last year at this time, our hopes were up high. The military community had taken a small film to heart. We were thrilled when Restrepo was given a nomination by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. In other words, we were in a race for the little gold man. So this crowd of mothers, fathers, veterans, sisters and brothers, wives and husbands did something they normally don't do. They watched the Oscars.

As we did, we remembered PFC Juan Restrepo, the medic, son, soldier, father, and friend who was killed in the Korengal Valley. The man for whom the combat outpost was named, and was paid tribute to by the men who served alongside him.

We didn't win the Oscar, but as a community we triumphed by coming together for those who fight and for each other.

Along with others, I'm grateful for the work of both Sebastian and Tim.
Like the soldiers, and many of the families, I  remain friends with Sebastian, and carry Tim in my heart as I work on WarRetreat.org (the blog started to honor him) and other creative ventures.
Tonight, I'll watch the Oscars. I'm hoping Danfung Dennis wins for Hell And Back Again. I'll be waiting for when the Academy pays tribute to members who died this past year. Tim was one of them. When his picture rolls by ...which reportedly was a really "hot" photo of him, I'll raise my glass.
Well done, Tim. Thank you. You and Sebastian made a difference.

Please see the collection of photos made by people who were inspired by the film.

Restrepo in 3 Words

And for a fun article, read Tim Hetherington At Waffle House

The Family That Heals Together Stays Together

There are two films I'd like you to consider, not because they're pleasant or happy to watch, but because they feature topics that make us uncomfortable.  The way I figure it, unless we are willing to hear even the unpleasant stories or those that outrage us, then as a military family, we're of no use to one another. When we let partisan politics divide us on issues of clean water or rape, we are less than noble.
Please watch these films as they become available on DVD, in the theater, online, or on Netflix.
Thank You
SemperFi, Always Faithful


The Invisible War


Also see:
Camp Lejeune Historic Drinking Water Information & Registry.

My Missed Deadline

Memo

 From Kanani Fong

To: Department of Midlife Crisis

 Re: Deadline Missed

 To Whom It May Concern:

 This is to inform you that while I tried to get a midlife crisis filed in under the wire, I have yet to follow through and submit one. I'm afraid that I've missed the deadline for "midlife" completely, and it's incredibly past due. Some would say I'm in the downward slide of my last twenty years. However, if this is a plunge to some other destiny, I've been much too distracted to notice.

 So I'm wondering if I should just dispense with the notion of having a midlife crisis all together. Unlike others, I either misplaced or never received the requisition form for the red convertible, or dating a species of a younger age. In addition, I never quit a job to take a wandering journey either across America, Africa or through Asia because my career has been rather random. Hence, if I did leave to go anywhere, no one would have noticed.

 I didn't realize the deadline had passed until I had to really think about my age. You see, I still feel as awkward as a 28 year old, and there are times when my naivete is akin to an eighteen year old. Given the rapid shift in technology, this isn't surprising.

 Enclosed, please find the pass I was supposed to use when I approached the turnpike into my midlife crises. I'm sorry it's stained with coffee and crumpled. I found it under the seat of my car, along with empty soda cans and six receipts from Starbucks. Since teenagers seem to be hardwired for cynicism, I think you should consider moving midlife crisis to 25 or at the latest, 30. Maybe you can issue it to one of them.  I'm sure it will be very dramatic. I'll be sure to honk, when I'm driving by in the blue Subaru sedan when I see a red sports car on fire.

HIGH GROUND: Standing Ovation At The Boulder International Film Festival

I've been traveling a lot the past two weeks. It always throws me off, and so it takes awhile before the brain is able to write. The past week, I attended the first screening HIGH GROUND, the documentary produced by Don Hahn (The Lion King) and directed by three time Emmy award winner Michael Brown. High Ground premiered on the big screen at the Boulder International Film Festival this past weekend. In attendance were 7 of the veterans who climbed Mt. Lobouche, a 20,000+ ft peak in Nepal.
Kate "Rizzo" Raggazino, Ashley Crandall, Chad Butrick, Justin Moore, Steve Baskis, Chad Jukes, Cody Miranda, and Nico Maroulis flew in from various parts of the country to attend. Lona Parten, Ike Isaacson, Dan Sidles and Matt Nyman couldn't attend, but were in our thoughts.

They come from all branches of the military, but all have a common bind: the experience of war. What's more is their families have gone through it too. So a film like High Ground is incredibly important because it hits a lot of notes: the loneliness of coming home and trying to make that transition, a Gold Star mother's recollection of a son who lived big, but was lost in a horrendous battle. The audience also witnesses teamwork amid a group of very different personalities, and lastly, to see both individual and group victories as they work their way to the top. The mountain is a metaphor for challenges seen and unseen. It's not just the mountain to conquer, it's a certain darkness that threatens to loom over those who have been through war and overtakes them unless they find their breath and take a step forward.

The audience laughed, cried and cheered during the film. But what I want to impart to you is what happened after the screening. Don and Michael took the stage, and then the veterans came on --to thunderous applause and a standing ovation.

Cody Miranda with one of his former Marine students

It was good to see this group of men and women who have gone through war receive such an outpouring of gratitude.

Something amazing happened. During the Q&A, a young man stood up. He looked at Cody Miranda and asked, "Were you at Coronado, because I think I remember your smile."  Cody replied, "Yeah, I was your Re-con teacher." The audience laughed, and then the young man quoted something that Cody had often told his men. It was a quote about life, and how to live. He told the audience that even though he was out, Cody was still teaching him because he thought of those words all the time.

Cody and others in the climbing group trained thousands of young men and women over the course of their military career. During the arduous weeks of training perhaps they wondered if their words would impart some greater lesson about life, and that maybe some of it would stick. In the case of this young man it did, and it was great to have it confirmed so many years later.

Near or far, it's how you frame it

I'm running around the house cleaning up because my husband is coming in tonight for a long weekend.  It's been like this since he was moved 2,000 miles closer to our house here in Southern California. We frame it in terms of closeness, as opposed to the typical perspective that others have measuring distance away. It's 1,000 miles away, but 2,000 miles closer than Fort Stewart, and 7,752 miles closer than Afghanistan.

Last year we didn't see much of him, between deployments and being posted across the country. In fact, the first time we saw him in 2011 was in August. In comparison, we've managed to see each other three times in the past 2 months, and we anticipate seeing more of each other over Spring break --much to the chagrin of our daughter. Traveling to El Paso isn't exactly an exciting trip to NYC or London. But it's part and parcel of being a military family living apart.

He's officially called a Geographical Bachelor. Only the military would have an official term. It means all of his leave is used coming home to take forays to Home Depot, rather than jetting to Paris for a walk on the Champs Elysee. But the time before Daughter graduates and leaves for college is short. Only two and half years. And our son is half-here, half moved out already. So whatever time we can grab, we do it now. After all, 2012 is the year he's CONUS. We anticipate he'll be gone the whole of 2013.

But even this trip will have a small interruption. On early Saturday morning, I fly to Boulder, Colorado for the premiere of my latest film project, High Ground. I can't wait to meet the producer, Don, and the director, Michael. I'll also meet the Veterans and everyone else connected with the film. As Idil said last year over breakfast, Tim used to tell her, "Strangers are just friends, yet to be made." We'll watch the film, chat, party, and then I fly home Sunday afternoon. I could stay longer, but really, I want to catch the last 24 hours of his visit.

Our story is not unusual, looking at the larger scope of things. Families have endured separations  for a variety of reasons. Mothers have single parented for centuries, as have fathers. But you never realize how little time you really have being a unit until everyone has grown older, and left the nest.

So these are precious days, ones to use wisely, and as a family.

11 Veterans, 1 Gold Star Mom, 1 Mountain: There's a new Documentary on the horizon

"Some people still don't get it, that not all pain is physical." -Marine veteran, High Ground

When I woke up, and looked out the window, the first words out of my mouth were "Holy Shit!" -Army veteran on waking up in the Himalayas

 11 veterans and 1 Gold Star Mother climb Mt. Lobouche in Nepal.
As they recount their wartime experiences they find friendship, teamwork, and healing on the journey.

I know, it sounds like a pitch for a movie, but the thing is, it really happened.
High Ground is a documentary produced by Don Hahn (The Lion King) and directed by filmmaker Michael Brown. Breathtaking cinematography, score by Chris Bacon, sound mixed at Skywalker Ranch. It's moving, poignant, triumphant, and, well, gorgeous.

This weekend it will be premiering at the Boulder International Film Festival. 8 of the veterans will be in attendance, as well as hundreds of supporters.
And so will I.  I'll be updating though Facebook, Twitter, and this blog as the weekend progresses.

"I Consider Myself To Be Lucky," -Giles Duley, Photojournalist & Triple Amputee

Click to see Giles' site.

Last year, as David Emerson, Jillian Hunsanger and I were planning the War Photographers' Retreat in honor of Tim Hetherington, word went out through the grapevine and brambles about the event. It's funny how news travels. Somehow I became aware of photojournalist Giles Duley. I was rather incredulous. He had gotten blown up in February, lost 2 legs and an arm. And there he was as we were working feverishly during the summer, perched on Facebook giving "Likes" to our efforts at WarRetreat. What resiliency, I thought. And I must say after watching his progress on Facebook -he's a bit of a dog. (That's a good thing). Just last week, he noted that it had been one year since he was blown up. He wasn't sure what to call it. "Bombiversay?" he asked, with the black humor of someone who has been through war.

Giles Duley, who does not consider himself as war journalist, has nonetheless covered several around the world. His focus has been on what war does to people --especially landmines. While embedded with the American troops, Giles was blown up by an IED.  He says he was lucky to be embedded with the Americans, as he was flown quickly to Kandahar Airfield and then onto subsequent hospitals, and finally back to the UK where his recovery continues. Here's an article in the NY Times, written last year.

Listen to this recording of Giles at the launch of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Landmines and Unexploded Weapons of Conflict. (7 Minutes)

On the path of life, courage is love

Boy and donkey, Asadabad, Afghanistan Photo: LTC David Anderson

You know, when we closed our practice three years ago, I had no idea what lay ahead. I didn't know that two deployments, three years of raising teens by myself (and seeing one of them into adulthood) and yoga would be what I did. I was worried about how I would make a living. Little did I know two filmmakers and a film marketing person would come my way, or that over time, we'd all become friends. Nor that in less than a year, the four of us would be reduced to three.
Yesterday, I was designing new business card for myself. It has the American flag on the front, and it's for military film outreach. But I wanted those in the film industry to know something about those who serve. So on the back, I included this quote:

"What the Army sociologists , with their clipboards and their questions and their endless meta-analyses, slowly came to understand was that courage was love." -Author Sebastian Junger, WAR

Sunday: How To Make An American Flag (with Flowers)

My friend Empress Bee paid an awful lot of money to have an American flag in flowers for her husband Sarge's funeral. What came out was a bit sparse and random looking. She wasn't very happy, and during the ceremony, I guess Sarge wanted to support her opinion, so he sent a wind from heaven to knock it down!
Fortunately, a quick trip onto YouTube and Pottery Barn shows viewers the right way: straight rows and tightly packed. Theirs calls for 20 dozen carnations. That's 240 flowers. And this arrangement isn't that big.  (I just love Pottery Barn. It's funny, though. I go there but never buy anything!).

Anyway, See this on the left?  I think I just found the inspiration for our front bank. It's awful. I mean, it looks bad because it gets constant scorching sun. So maybe I'll have the gardeners pull everything out and put something like this in. It will make the neighbors slightly crazy. They're of the non-flag flying variety.
Watch the flower flag video below.

Update: Our Lives In Reverse

Well, I don't mention too much about The Hubs or our personal lives as of late because nothing much has been interesting. At least I don't think so.

But he finally PCS'd out of Ft. Stewart and moved cross country to Ft. Bliss.  But before he left, they gave him this to give to me.

Isn't that nice? Only in the military would a wife get an award that didn't involve having to put on panty hose and walking up a runway to be in some Mrs. USA beauty pageant. That means they like us wives to be "doers," which is fine by me. I can't even remember the last time I wore panty hose. After over 25 years of marriage, no one gave me a wife award in our civilian life.  So I do appreciate it very much.

The other event is our son took time off of work to fly out to Georgia and help drive The Hubs cross country. They had such a good time. Father/son roadtrips are the best. Well, any roadtrip is good!  Quite honestly, I think this might have been December, or maybe it was in November. Yes, I am that late. I ascribe it to a case of time slip and won't own up to middle page mind slip.  So here's a picture of him on the road. Literally.

Then Christmas, and all that. The last thing I'll post is just 2 weeks ago, I flew to El Paso to watch the change of command ceremony at Ft. Bliss. He has taken the reins of the 745th FST. It's very exciting for him --it's sort of like running his own business again, only this time with a larger staff, lots of medical equipment, a motorpool, and well, yes, you know...guns and stuff. I met his team of medics, administrators, surgery techs and nurses. What an incredible group. They will all do very well, and much much later, I am certain they will go on to stellar civilian careers. I also met the commander's wife, who is a real sparkplug. I do like her, and she's not one of those who wears her husband's rank. No, not at all!  I was relieved.

After all, I had run across in our civilian career plenty of doctor's wives who had that old veneer of entitlement. In fact there was one, who used to do the schedule for all the surgeons in the region. She was a bit much, and even our staff would make comments after she had called demanding our requests for days off and on. Anyway, they used to prank her, and pretend they were a different person each time she called. FYI, I was very careful not to let patients know I was "the wife." The reason being is that I was in charge of contracting, administration, and also dealing with the toughest (noncompliant) patients. Sometimes I had to give an extra shove, and there was more than one who went to complain to the hubs about "that awful person in the back office." I think they wanted me fired. That was fine by me, and several times I tried to fire myself!

As far as my role: two years ago, I was on tour with the film Restrepo. I was with CSM LaMonta Caldwell and Tim Hetherington. CSM Caldwell very firmly outlined my role as an Army officer's wife. I figured it out: helpful but not pushy; supportive but not intrusive; encouraging but not nagging. I won't be there too much because I still work here in Los Angeles, and we also have this house which really is a nest egg. Unlike other people in the military, we don't have a pension because we came in this so late in our civilian life. So yes, I must keep working and so does the Hubs. Our finances are much, much different but I'm grateful The Hubs is in a position where his skills are much needed and appreciated.  And I'm also forever grateful for what Laura, Tim, and Sebastian Junger did for me giving me a start in films.

That's all for now. Do me a favor and stop by to say hello to my friend, Empress Bee. She's doing okay, and I don't think the loss of Sarge has hit her yet.  Well, maybe it won't all the way. Sarge was a huge presence, and I think he will always be with us.   His funeral is this Friday. If you could go outside that day, and take a walk and look up at the sky and see all the beauty, I think that would be nice.